7 Ways to Heal from a Narcissistic Relationship

Sonya Richardson
Dec 21, 2023
5 min read

Updated: Jan 1, 2024

Recovering from a narcissistic relationship can be very difficult, with emotional distress and mental turmoil often being the order of the day. However, there are several methods available that can aid in the healing process over time. From seeking therapy and counseling to practicing self-care and self-love, there are a variety of ways to address the scars left behind by a narcissistic partner. While the journey may be difficult, with patience, perseverance, and support, it is possible to emerge from such a relationship stronger and more resilient than ever before.

Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition describes nine overarching characteristics:

They lack empathy and fail to connect with others.
Has a huge sense of self-importance.
Behaves as if they are exceptionally “special” and can only be understood. They may care more about making a good impression than anything else.
Needs to be admired. They may go to great lengths to make sure everyone is aware of their successes and accomplishments. They may get unreasonably angry if they feel humiliated or criticized.
Has an unrealistic sense of entitlement and expects others to give them special treatment.
Exploits and takes advantage of others to achieve their own goals. They may frequently use other people for their own gain.
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them. They can’t seem to accept that others are genuinely more successful.
Displays arrogant behaviors and attitudes. They may constantly talk about their success, influence, or attractiveness.
They frequently discuss their dreams of achieving success, wielding power, or receiving recognition for their outstanding abilities.

Dealing with a Narcissist: Never Fall for the Fantasy!

Narcissists have a magnetic and charming personality that can be very alluring. They have an exceptional talent for creating a flattering and fantastic self-image that tends to attract us. We are often attracted to their apparent confidence and lofty dreams, and the weaker our self-esteem, the more irresistible they seem. It's easy to get trapped in their web and believe that they will fulfill our desire to feel more important and alive, but it's just a delusion that can be quite costly in the end. Narcissism comes in several forms.

7 Types to Look Out for:

Adaptive narcissism
Maladaptive narcissism
Overt narcissism
Covert narcissism
Communal narcissism
Antagonistic narcissism
Malignant narcissism

Adaptive narcissism is when a person with this disorder leans into positive traits—such as self-sufficiency and confidence—that can actually be healthy. They may help someone set high ambitions at work, for example, or enjoy satisfying relationships without being overdependent on a partner.
Maladaptive narcissism, on the other hand, is characterized by the toxic traits, such as a sense of entitlement and willingness to exploit others.
Overt or grandiose narcissism. Overt narcissists tend to be extroverted but also uncooperative, selfish, and overbearing. Their exaggerated self-image and high self-esteem allow them to be confident and assertive. However, they’re also likely to overestimate their own emotional intelligence.
Covert or vulnerable narcissism. It's common to imagine all narcissists as dominant and overwhelming in social situations. However, covert narcissists are introverted. They tend to be extremely sensitive to criticism and suffer from low self-esteem. They can be defensive and passive-aggressive, but they are less likely to overestimate their emotional abilities than overt narcissists.
Communal narcissism. Communal narcissists tend to view themselves as altruistic and claim to care deeply about fairness. They present themselves to others as supportive and selfless. However, their behavior is motivated by a desire for social power and a sense of superiority or entitlement. Because of this, their actions don’t always match their beliefs.
Antagonistic narcissism. In contrast with communal narcissists, antagonistic narcissists take a highly competitive approach to social interactions. They often exhibit zero-sum thinking, believing that every situation has a “loser” and “winner.” This view of the world leads them to be aggressive and hostile. They may be quick to disparage others and slow or unwilling to forgive. Antagonistic narcissism is a subtype of overt narcissism. With this aspect of narcissism, the focus is on rivalry and competition. Some features of antagonistic narcissism include: arrogance, the tendency to take advantage of others, the tendency to compete with others, disagreeability or proneness to arguing
Malignant narcissism. Malignant narcissism can be a more destructive form of the personality disorder. In addition to the typical signs of narcissism, a malignant narcissist might be aggressive, paranoid, or sadistic—taking joy in other people’s pain. They tend to display antisocial behavior, disregarding the rights or safety of others.

How to Leave a Narcissist

Ending an abusive relationship is never easy. Ending one with a narcissist can be the most difficult thing to do. They can be charming and charismatic—at least at the start of the relationship or if you threaten to leave. It’s easy to become disoriented by the narcissist’s manipulative behavior, caught up in the need to seek their approval, or even to feel “gaslighted” and doubt your own judgment. If you’re codependent, your desire to be loyal may trump even your need to preserve your safety and sense of self.

Here are 7 Ways to Heal from a Narcissistic Relationship

Acknowledge and validate your experience: Admit that you were a victim of abuse This is the first step in healing from narcissistic abuse. At this stage, you might be struggling with cognitive dissonance due to the narcissist gaslighting and manipulation tactics.

2. Set boundaries: After ending the relationship, Dow advises his clients to unfollow or block them on social media, and to be willing to block their phone or emails.

3. Connect with your support system: Make sure that you are surrounding yourself with the loved ones and hobbies that support you and your mental health.

4. Trust your gut: It's vital that you listen to your own intuition, especially since narcissists have a tendency to attack that in others. "In subtle or overt ways, the narcissist has frequently communicated: 'What's wrong with YOU? You're crazy,'" explains Dow. Make a mental note when you find yourself doubting your instincts due to narratives that were written by your narcissistic partner.

5. Grieve: You’re not just mourning the loss of a relationship, but the illusion of the persona the narcissist fabricated to lure you. In reality, you’re grieving the fake prince charming or knight in shining armor that turned out to be just an illusion.

6. Seek Counseling: It is okay to seek outside help.

7. Journaling: Write a new story for yourself. Affirmations are a great way to refocus your self-image. Journaling provides a safe outlet to express fears, angers, and sorrows without judgment or consequences.

Some additional signs of narcissistic abuse are:

Gaslighting is when the abuser makes you question your sanity
Isolating you from other loved ones
Silent treatment
Name-calling
Intense swings between affection and cruelty
Stonewalling, or refusing to communicate
Love bombing, in which they use excessive affection to overwhelm you

Avoid Coping Strategies That Hurt

Narcissistic relationships make it hard to find balance. This instability makes life’s stresses seem like too much to handle. And when life seems out of control, you might turn to unhealthy coping strategies to manage your stress.

You might want to turn to high-risk behaviors like drinking while driving, or self-medicating with prescription pills, gambling, pornography, or anything to feel like you’re in control again. Or, you might use marijuana to reduce your residual anxiety from living in an abusive relationship. Because surviving abuse increases your risk of addiction, it’s important to reflect on why you’re drinking or taking drugs and what effects it’s having on your life.